I love this article. In a way, this is something that I might have written in college, if I could have summoned up the creative capacity to do so. This article is out of Madison, WI from their Badger Herald university newspaper:

Hot sauce: Burning desires not bland

by Alex Truong
Thursday, November 6, 2008

When I was a freshman living in the dorms, a couple floormates challenged my friend and I to a spicy food eating

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contest at Buffalo Wild Wings, which of course involved their infamous blazing sauce. Did I have something to prove? Not really. Does my small intestine hate me to this day? Yes. The rules were pretty loose, something about not stopping for more than 30 seconds and an argument regarding a water-drinking provision.

There was no real winner in that contest, none at all. We may have ripped our way through burning lips and runny noses and excessive sweating and eaten 16 wings apiece. We should also get a little credit for being able to triumphantly cast those chicken bones out without even using bleu cheese sauce, but in the end we were just a bunch of dudes crying over puddles of hot sauce and ripped open Wet-Nap wrappers.

But can you say gut rot? What a horrible idea. Since then, I’ve been on a mission of revenge on spicy foods, vowing to dominate fiery foods with cool, calculating ease. The first order of business was to examine a growing threat to the nation’s tongues and gastrointestinal systems: hot sauce.

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