Never at a shortage of words, or of pain for those willing to dare a few molecules of the Zero sauce…the DEFCON Creator himself (a.k.a. John Dilley) has graced us with his sage observations of the goings on from this past show. Read it aloud for even more enjoyment! Here it is:

Incoming transmission…….

It was 4am, Thursday, September 4th. Dawn had not yet broken the horizon in the dark lands called New Jersey. The Defcon Crew geared up for their next excursion into the unknown. It would be the first time Defcon made camp in Dallas for the battle of Zest Fest. Who knew what to expect, but what was known was there would be good times had by all. The Defcon Creator had done reconnaissance for the last two years, so he knew what to expect, well, sort of. Be that as it may, the Defcon Crew headed to the airport under cover of darkness and Gustav, and boarded their clandestine aircraft.

They landed shortly after to a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the temperature not too hot. They thought to themselves, “Could this be an omen of things to come?”. They picked up their Urban Assault Vehicle, cleverly disguised as an Impala, from Hertz, broke out their maps, and headed to the Will Rogers Institute. With virtually no wrong turns, virtually, the Defcon Crew arrived at the site where battle would commence within 24 hours. They made their way to find a few of the Old Guard, setting up their battlements as well. Field Marshal Jim Campbell and Cajohn were quickly met, and many niceties were exchanged. Battle tactics were briefly discussed, and plans to meet up after the setting up to partake in good food and many beers were made.

Cajohn, Sue and the Defcon Crew stood patiently in wait, as their battlement material had not yet arrived. We strolled around the future field of battle, and met with other generals, like Tom, Michelle and Dennis from Intensity Academy. They were quick to set up their 10X10 fortification, and clever one-liners were tossed back and forth, bringing an aire of levity to the area. Others were soon to arrive, like Greg and Sarah from Bodines, Big Dawg and Candy, Sam and Tina from Zane and Zack’s, Tony Legner, and of course, the Danny Cash Crew. Good conversation abounded, but it was then, with the sounds of a mighty forklift, the Defcon battlements arrived.

As we unpacked the various implements of war, including 16 extension cords, multiple lasers, blacklights and strobes, various previously unknown vendors would approach and stand onlooking, with mouths agape. “What, I mean who, are these strange people”, was heard amongst quiet whispers. They would soon be witness to the impregnable 10X10 fortress of the Defcon Collective. Hours would pass, but the troops, refusing to waver, continued the setup. Others joined us, like the great people from Rodak’s and Rancho Bravo. The atmosphere was electric with the anxieties of what was to come in these short soon to arrive 72 hours. Defcon finished erecting their rampart, and soon vacated the premises, to meet up with the other generals of battle at the Stockyards.

Dinner was had, and a most enjoyable evening ensued, with much laughter and an all-around feeling of joviality was had by all. ‘Tis one of the unique characteristics of the hot sauce industry, the true lack of competition in most, and a true feeling of camaraderie. It turned out to be a relatively quiet evening, and we found our room by the strike of midnight.

Friday. The dawn of a new day had arrived. Strong they were, the generals of battle this morning, for they were filled with vigor, having not yet met the masses. It was trade day as well, so the hot sauce shock troops could save their strength for the inevitable day of reckoning on Saturday. Buyers did come en masse. Defcon met with many they had never met, and large amounts of information were exchanged. This was a good day thus far, but shall it end with the same feeling of subtle merriment? The clock struck 3, and the gates holding back the hoards were opened. They encroached upon the entry doors and trickled in through all of them. Many would seek out collector’s items, for this was the day to do so. Some would head straight to their favorite producer, and exchange currency for product. Twas a delightful scene of abject capitalism. One thing that surprised us, the Defcon Crew, was the fact that virtually all the public attendees had good attitudes. The laughing and joking around ran rampant throughout the show, as could be heard from all corners. Some came to find a new definition of pain through ingestion, and they would not be denied. But most came for new, yet unknown flavors, subtly accentuated by the essence of life itself, capsaicin.

It was a mere three hours of battle that day, which seemed more like a skirmish, as tomorrow would be the true battle of physical constitution. However, before the generals and their troops would retire to the Stockyards, a medal ceremony was to take place. Many companies were to be rewarded for their passions and labors, their alchemical trials and transmutations.

We, the generals of battle, stood outside the gates of the hallowed Hall of the Golden Chile. There would be a free feast for those who sought to gain recognition for their culinary prowess. The gates did open, and the masses did flock to their seats. There was live music playing, which somewhat soothed the nerves of the many. Soon after, as people became sated with food and drink, the ceremony did commence. Many were congratulated for their labors with ribbon and trophy, and the night ran long with pomp and circumstance, to the unbounded joy of those who received their rewards. For those that didn’t, it was not a sign of rejection, but a motivator for the next year. At our table, winning their first-ever Golden Chile was Intensity Academy. As their award was read out, the primal screams of Field Marshal Tom and Michelle could not be quelled. It was their day to rejoice, and none could take this away from them. Defcon and Bodines shared quite the number of trophies that night as well, as did many, including Cajohn, All-Spice Café, Danielle’s, Flamin’ Joes, Zane & Zack’s, Sizzlin Sauces, and the list goes on.

After the curtain was called, it was time to make our pilgrimage back to the Stockyards, for a well-deserved blowing off of the proverbial steam. It was a night that would sap the constitution out of many by morning. Yeah, it was a good one. Libations abounded, and all fell into the arms of mirth and joyous celebration. Many Fathers of Industry met, and discussed the night’s earlier festivities, many rejoicing in their victories. However, there was an undertone of anxiety, for today was only fought the battle, tomorrow is the war. Some of the manufacturers had a higher intelligence quotient than others, and went back to their places of rest to gear up for the ensuing battle, while others, drunk with victory, reveled in their joy.

Saturday. The sun appeared over the horizon, and it was time to prepare for war. Some, including myself, found it a small bit difficult to rise that morning, slowly coming to the realization that they may have perhaps overdone it the previous night. Maggie, The Wife Unit smiled and laughed at my sluggishness that morning, I guess it was deserved. We partook of the hotels breakfast and headed out to the Arena of Battle. We arrived, and strangely enough were virtually the only vendor present. I immediately grasped for the Gatorade in our cooler, to replenish my vital electrolytes that had been sapped during the previous night of celebration. We proudly arranged our newly acquired Golden Chiles and ribbons, and other fine tuning within the booth before the gates of Ragnarok opened, allowing the masses of public to descend upon us in a wave of epic proportions.

Slowly the vendors they did arrive. Some looked a bit haggard and scarred from the celebratory evening, others full of life and energy. There was an air of silence about the arena, as vendors counted upon this day of battle for their life-giving bottom line. As the minutes passed, the anxieties rose. We took our battle stations as the emcee announced to all that the gates were now open. The public they did come, in larger amounts than ever, to the delight of vendors and those affiliated with Chile Pepper magazine. Unlike other shows, not only did the public partake in all the free samples, they bought products from vendors in amazing numbers. Our empty case boxes did increase at a rapid rate, forming a sort of cardboard parapet within the bounds of our booth. One could plainly see that this was to be a very successful day, and we thank all those at Chile Pepper magazine for their due diligence and advertising effort to make this happen. The masses kept coming, lines of public waited at certain booths, so as to taste the culinary masterpieces of various fathers of industry. Again, some came for the delight in exquisite pain, and I was all too happy to oblige them by igniting carbon fires within their maws. The guys at Rodak’s enjoyed the theatre of pain that was created this day, and watched many public figures run to the beer stand in order to quench the painful bliss they so sought. At the end of the day, I inquired as to how many people had arrived that day, and was told nearly 5,000, a number that was gladly greeted with a smile. The war had been won. It was time to make the daily pilgrimage back to the Stockyards.

This evening would be different for many, as their energy levels hadn’t yet been fully reenergized from Friday night. Once again we met up with the guys and gals of Bodine’s and Intensity Academy and grabbed some well needed sustenance in the form of beef ribs and beer that evening. The night was good. On our way back to stop into H3 for a nightcap, we stopped into a local souvenir shop to view their wares. A young gentleman sat at the cash register, and greeted us as we made our entrance. We discussed the day’s happenings, and the young gentleman inquired if we were indeed manufacturers. We explained we were, and I asked him the mortal question, “Do you like hot food?” He replied, “The hotter the better”. This reply made my day, as I do so love to deal pain to those who seek a different plane of existence. I reached into my pocket, and brought out the ZERO, a natural Habanero extract we handcraft, and gave him some on a stirring straw. The look of excruciating bliss transformed his face into one of a blank stare. Our mission was complete, and we made it to the H3 for a nightcap. It would be an early evening, as the final battle, Gettysburg, was yet to come.

Sunday. The small glimmering light at the end of the tunnel could be seen. We manned our posts, and awaited the final assault. Others came into the arena, and took up their positions as well. Vendors, low on product, looked to sell out, and a feeling of relief permeated the air. Some vendors met out back by the loading docks for a quick cigarette and to discuss tactics on this final day. It seems many others had somewhat of an epiphany and also made it an early night on Saturday, while others shuffled their way to their booths showing no emotion. The gates they did open once again, and the masses made a wave assault against us once again. Many came to stock up for the football game later that day, and we were more than happy to help them secure their needs for wing sauces. The day was short, and the crowd was dispersed by 4pm. Battle Zest Fest 2008 was over, and the vendors looked to each other to find we all did well. It was time to break camp. As we disassembled our fortress, many vendors came by to congratulate us on the multitude of awards we took this year, and to give their farewells until the next time we meet on the field of battle. As I have said before, this industry is truly unique, and a sense of friendship consumes virtually all of us. The graciousness of the manufacturers to others is readily apparent, and quite welcomed. We look forward to seeing many of you sooner than later.

We are very glad to have done this show, finally, and are amazed at how smoothly it ran. We would like to congratulate Chile Pepper again for a job well done. We have already re-upped for next year, with a bigger booth. Congratulations to all the award winners, we are truly happy for you all, and look to compete again next year! Same Bat Time, same Bat Channel!

Defcon Creator out………